in a good mood

Dad’s advice: “If you don’t know where you’re going you might end up somewhere else.”—Yogi Bera

Love

Peanut Butter

Lower East Side

Christopher Guest

The Ethicist

Live music

Walking (especially at night)

Backpacking

Fall

Texas

Singing loudly

Calling my parents

The New Yorker

Hate

People who walk/drive slowly

Incompetence

Squirrels and birds

Looking for parking spots

Itineraries

Being wrong….which is luckily never;)

Dancing (except Irish!)

Local news

Umbrellas

everything works out...

I have a big problem when people say everything works out for the best or suggest that there's an implicit correctness in one's chosen path. There's just too much room for free will. I guess I should look into this destiny/free will train of thought if I'm having this much of an issue, but for now I'll just let it bother me.

For me, it involves (of course) my future life. I realize being a senior comes with these crises but it's really quite scary. I'm moving to NYC and starting a job that's volatile, intense and is going to be hard as hell. I could be doing the same job in Dallas with all my friends and be close to everything I'm familiar with. Why would I leave and go away so that when I fail there's no safety net to catch me? I just don't understand. I've been independent and impulsive my whole life and I just don't see what it's gotten me. I know I'll make friends. It'll be fun. But I've sort of done that. I have friends from all periods of my life. I just wish sometimes that I could be one of those people with friends from kindergarten or stay around with my friends from college forever. I feel very fragmented and scattered as a result.

I think I'm confused about what I want. I've never had stability and maybe that's no longer ok with me. I don't know. I'm not used to it so how would I know if I like it. I sort of like change and crave it, but maybe that's why I'm neurotic and maybe I should work on that. Two years in NYC, grad school, abroad, who knows what I'll be doing in ten years. I truly have no fucking clue. And that's scary.

And then people say, it'll work out. Yes. It will. Life will go on. But I have a choice right now and can affect the direction it goes in. I can call New York right now and switch my offer to Dallas. Hell, I can go to public policy school now. I can not do any of that and work for a non-profit, work for a gallery or roam through Eastern Europe. Or move to Israel for a while--I've always been tempted. In a way I guess I have chosen a safer path. I just don't see how I know that there's any kind of fate when I can change my mind right now. I've done it many times before.

So I guess whatever. I'll go to New York. I think I think too much.

chalk it up to being young

The song of the moment from my Pandora mix.

I think of that quote a lot. Even though it's perhaps a little depressing...I just feel it's so applicable and true. "It's not that bad...we could have died, so chalk it up to being young..." Because really, we all do stupid shit. Horrible situations, life-endangering moments (if you've ever crossed a street with me you understand), and just going about life...I feel as though we don't appreciate the little moments enough. Nothing is truly that bad. And most of all, enjoy even the bad moments. I think you can chalk a lot of things up to being young. I'm just afraid you can't do it forever.