talk the walk

When I had to choose a topic for my leadership paper, public apologies immediately came to mind. Everybody seems to be making them, and in increasingly public forums (ie former Italian prime minister, etc). After spending the past few hours researching, it’s rather amazing how many notable apologies have been given. What on earth is going through these people’s minds? Are they really that sorry?

The skeptic in me says, no, they’re not sorry. They’re advancing their political and business futures and need public sympathy in order to do so. Although it’s possible that some of them truly are sorry. Such a fine line. If I think about my own life, it’s hard to apologize. Apologizing means admitting you’re wrong and you want others to recognize that and forgive you for your actions. I think wanting forgiveness is a necessary component to an apology. Allegedly this is why notable apologies are public.

Saying “sorry” puts someone at risk. That person puts their reputation at stake in the hopes that a counter party will forgive them. Such an apology can be construed as a sign of weakness or incompetence, both of which are hated attributes. We’re such fragile creatures really, and apologies induce way too much vulnerability.

And then there are the apologies that lack sincerity. Sometimes you have to apologize when you don’t believe you’re wrong. Or, you know you’re wrong but you’re just not sorry. Those are the best kinds. Perhaps a better way of looking at wrong but “not sorry” is when in the future you would do the same thing again. Like sorry, officer, I promise I’ll make a full stop at the stop sign next time. Oh—there’s no right turn on red here? Whatever, simplistic, but true.

I believe that you shouldn’t waste apologies. Sort of like please and thank you. If you say these words for nearly any occasion they lack the sincerity they are meant to imply. Please and thank you are interesting examples to me. We’re taught from a young age to always say them. But honestly I feel they are excessively overused. Especially for trite occurrences it’s better to ask nicely or respond pleasantly. This is a fine line and I’m not going to beat the topic to death, but I just feel as though they’re overused. Like apologies or “I’m sorry.” Basically don’t tell me these meaningless words. Actions speak louder, so show your sorries, pleases and thank yous in your future actions.