jetting around europe

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/22/travel/22journeys.html?pagewanted=1&8dpc

Brings back great memories...

Spending the night in Istanbul on the airport floor
Expensive and long trains between London airports
Multiple airports per city and being confused
Luggage exploded in Ciampino
Lost on the way to Rome from the airport--so far away
Learning to use the free buses in Basel to get to the airport...a city we only went to b/c it was a cheap way to get out of Istanbul
Arguing with RyanAir over carrying on luggage
Ridiculous oversized luggage rules for backpacks
Obnoxious flight attendant uniforms
Being euphorically happy at the free food on Olympic Air
Airlines with no electronic boarding passes
Airports where the check in counter is only open for a defined and stressful period of time
Numerous airport checkpoints and rented counter space

A ridiculous but beautifully cheap network of flights to random places....good times

cupcakes

Everything was very bright yesterday. The area behind the Union, the deep shaded green area, the one with the circular paths and the low hanging leafy trees glowed. I only mention it because it was really striking and reminded me of the beauty of our campus. Spring is just a wonderful time to be in Texas. The fall may be breathtaking in New Hampshire and winter a clear crisp white in Colorado but Texas has the spring. At least Austin anyways. Just tell me another state with bluebonnets.

Somehow despite all of this cheerfulness on campus—I mean, we even have a cupcake stand now—I don’t feel cheerful at all. Overwhelmed and weighed down is probably more appropriate. The next three weeks are the last of my college career. That’s just so final sounding and they’re just so filled with the most inconceivable amount of organizational responsibilities, tests, papers and thesis writing.

If I hear another person to tell me not to worry, there’s nothing to be stressed about I will scream. Or my favorite, you-have-a-job-and-a-future-so-why-should-you-feel-like-that. I mean honestly, that’s just not the point. The point is that everything that I have loved for four years is ending. I have a job but that comes with scary things like rent and bills and public transportation. It means not waking up at 10, walking through the West Mall, studying all afternoon reading about theory in the so called real world and then going to happy hour before staying up all night writing a paper. And then there’s the fact that I don’t know what I really want to do or what makes me happy, that I reevaluate my life goals every 10 minutes and find passion in so many things, none of which what I’ll be doing next year. That’s scary has hell. So I’m sorry if I’ve been obnoxious. I’m sorry if I’ve snapped. And I’m sorry that I can’t be a better friend or daughter to everybody that I’ve annoyed in the past month. I just don’t think anything is going to change for the next three weeks.

Kurt Vonnegut died. I think that deserves mention. "I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center." This is one of my favorite quotes and I think it just sums up how I feel at this very moment in time. 3:43PM on a Friday afternoon before I go off to several appointments and obligations.

talk the walk

When I had to choose a topic for my leadership paper, public apologies immediately came to mind. Everybody seems to be making them, and in increasingly public forums (ie former Italian prime minister, etc). After spending the past few hours researching, it’s rather amazing how many notable apologies have been given. What on earth is going through these people’s minds? Are they really that sorry?

The skeptic in me says, no, they’re not sorry. They’re advancing their political and business futures and need public sympathy in order to do so. Although it’s possible that some of them truly are sorry. Such a fine line. If I think about my own life, it’s hard to apologize. Apologizing means admitting you’re wrong and you want others to recognize that and forgive you for your actions. I think wanting forgiveness is a necessary component to an apology. Allegedly this is why notable apologies are public.

Saying “sorry” puts someone at risk. That person puts their reputation at stake in the hopes that a counter party will forgive them. Such an apology can be construed as a sign of weakness or incompetence, both of which are hated attributes. We’re such fragile creatures really, and apologies induce way too much vulnerability.

And then there are the apologies that lack sincerity. Sometimes you have to apologize when you don’t believe you’re wrong. Or, you know you’re wrong but you’re just not sorry. Those are the best kinds. Perhaps a better way of looking at wrong but “not sorry” is when in the future you would do the same thing again. Like sorry, officer, I promise I’ll make a full stop at the stop sign next time. Oh—there’s no right turn on red here? Whatever, simplistic, but true.

I believe that you shouldn’t waste apologies. Sort of like please and thank you. If you say these words for nearly any occasion they lack the sincerity they are meant to imply. Please and thank you are interesting examples to me. We’re taught from a young age to always say them. But honestly I feel they are excessively overused. Especially for trite occurrences it’s better to ask nicely or respond pleasantly. This is a fine line and I’m not going to beat the topic to death, but I just feel as though they’re overused. Like apologies or “I’m sorry.” Basically don’t tell me these meaningless words. Actions speak louder, so show your sorries, pleases and thank yous in your future actions.

she took a midnight train....

Thoughts instead of working:

-I need to get graduation attire from the Co-op

-who names a color drab

-what the fuck am I doing with my life

-why didn’t I join the peace corps

-will I ever fall in love

-I really don’t want it to rain tomorrow

-Julie Roberts movie on the West Mall

-so tired of dealing with bullshit

-I should be a better person

-OJ office organized with bright blue signs

-ate too much cereal

-felt like dressing preppy today

-package slip means my mavs t-shirt is almost here

-april needs to end

-but that means it’s all over

If I could I would:

-move to another country

-eat chocolate chips in the sun

-never use an umbrella even when it pours

-buy a ticket to anywhere

-do arts & crafts for a living

-open a gallery

-speak hebrew, italian and gaelic

-be secretary of state

-learn how to fly

Favorite quote:

Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun

the beauty of radio

I’m officially in love with radio. Yes, music…fine…that kind is ok, but truly the commercials and repetition just infuriate me. Although even then there is something that connects you to the real world. Driving while listening to a cd cannot connect you to society the way a radio station can. There is some comfort in knowing that if an asteroid were headed for the earth, the radio DJ would probably hear about it and let you know. If you were listening to a cd, you’d be out of luck. Well, we’d probably all be out of luck so think of it more as a “free ice cream at Ben and Jerry’s” example and not an asteroid.

But truly the kind of radio I’m currently obsessed with is talk radio. Particularly NPR and particularly two shows: This American Life and Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me. Maybe also This I Believe. I anxiously await their release in podcast format and download them onto my iPod. (On Sunday and Monday, respectively). Honestly I can’t manage to get that excited about a single tv show. There’s just something about radio.

Radio is personal. It’s a voice speaking in your ear—it’s almost as if the person is speaking directly to you. The absence of visuals allows your mind to be more active, and create the image it wants to see. Radio forces you to actively take an idea and personalize it in a way tv never can. The outcry that happened after Ira Glass announced This American Life explains this (also the subject of last week’s This American Life). Making a radio show visible takes away so much of the imagination and imposes a harsh reality on what you had created. Like when I saw a picture of Garrison Keillor—total disaster. Think about any great book—the movie can truly never be the same. If it’s a great movie, it’s probably great for reasons apart from what made the book great.

I just love those two programs so much. Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me is a quiz show…and about politics and current random facts about the news. All of which I love. I love the way it combines a quiz show environment with the Daily Show while then bringing in guests like Justice Stephen Breyer, Madeleine Albright and Tina Fey. This American Life is just beautiful to me. In the words of the OC: This American Life? Is that that show by those hipster know-it-alls who talk about how fascinating ordinary people are?

Talk radio is well known to be a dying art form. As Ira Glass said, that battle has been fought and tv won. But there’s something nostalgic about it, and a place remains for the few truly wonderful programs left.

Smile

Pictures are funny things.

They can capture a great moment, remind you of a time when you laughed so hard you cried, and bring back a flood of memories that are triggered by the sight. The tricky thing is that you have to pose for them. So it’s dangerous—if you remember the posing more than the moment. Or they just aren’t taken at the perfect time. The best pictures are unexpected. They sneak up and someone else snaps one when you’re not expecting it. These are also the most risky. The most failed pictures and the most of you looking confused or like shit. So basically it’s the whole risk and return thing and people just can’t handle the risk so you end up with hundreds of posed and smiling pictures. That’s why I love digital cameras.

Pictures can also gloss over things. They can capture the beautiful sky and distract you from the time when you felt horrible and wanted to cry. They capture a fake smile that is distorted years later to be a real one. But mostly they show how you want to be seen. Sometimes it’s surprising—bad camera angles are just bad. I guess even if they’re wrong they show situations that can remind you of how things truly were. Those pictures from freshman year—look how young we were…obviously people treated us like little kids…what on earth were we wearing…I went out in that skirt? In public? Sophomore year…we thought that was a good idea why? Etc…. I guess that’s a constant.

Looking around my room reminds me of all of the categories. Mavericks game painted blue, They Might Be Giants dance in front of the Haga Sophia, posing with sheep in Racchi, running in the road on the way to Enchanted Rock and posed with two yellow bugs in a garage in HP. I guess it’s mainly a way to make good times last beyond the immediate emotion. And we just don’t take pictures when we feel bad (ok, exceptions, true). But I think that’s just human nature—nobody wants to remember those times. So your life..at least if you have Alzheimer’s...is just a string of laughter and happy memories. Fake, but at least it’s a nice fake.

honestly

CMS....only redeeming because the class has some diversity and my team is cute in a little freshman kind of way.
FIN 354....are you serious--I really need to take Intro to Finance? I love how I'll still fail the tests because of lack of motivation to memorize details or buy the textbook...I'm seeing how long I can avoid that one.
FIN 370...surprising I like it--obviously the whole homework and tons of assignments thing is negative but at least it has some value in my education.
Leadership in America...don't ask--it has some interesting speakers and I can definatley write a few papers and show up to class once a week
Thesis...seriously don't ask...my topic is changing yet again and I'm supposed to be well into the writing of it AND my advisor is socially awkward AND I don't understand where to begin AND I've exhausted all my resources meaning it's time to actually dive in...I'm just too scared.

So tired. And pretty much unmotivated about life. Luckily I still love OJs and UBC. Actually that's unlucky b/c I'd rather do organization bullshit or go to the grocery store or wait in line for an hour at Gregory for a machine than do homework or my thesis. Well, that's a lie. I wouldn't wait at Gregory for a machine. I would never wait to work out. Seriously, that's absurd.

I've noticed a lot that very few people see the world like I do. I don't have anything else to say about that, only that it's weird to carry on a conversation with someone and realize that they're just not on the same page. Fundamentally. It's really not a problem, just interesting.

Back to listening to country music. It's been a phase since getting back from Peru. I guess that's just how much I missed Texas. I love you, Pat Green.